Sheetz Shmiscuit

A biscuit that wants different fillings

The Sheetz Shmiscuit costs $3.79 for the base and carries 220 calories before anything goes on it, which puts it seventy calories above the Shmuffin at the same price. Those seventy calories are butter and shortening, and they are the whole reason to order one.

A buttermilk biscuit behaves nothing like an English muffin under a filling. It crumbles rather than compresses, it soaks rather than resists, and it carries a flavour of its own instead of acting as a neutral carrier. That makes it the wrong base for a wet fried egg and the right base for sausage, bacon or anything with gravy near it.

The pricing structure is the same as every other Sheetz breakfast bread. $3.79 buys you the biscuit, and egg, meat and cheese are added as separate lines on the touchscreen. Nobody pays $3.79 for a finished sandwich, and any listing that says otherwise has misread the kiosk.

Gravy is the pairing that makes this base distinct. Sheetz sells it as a dipper at $0.60, and a sausage Shmiscuit with a gravy dipper on the side is the closest the chain gets to a proper Southern breakfast. Ordering the gravy in the sandwich rather than beside it turns the biscuit to paste within five minutes, so the side route is the better one.

For anyone comparing bases on calories alone, the Shmiscuit sits second lowest. The Shmuffin at 150 is lighter, the Shmagel at 260 is heavier, and the Waffle at 722 is in a different category entirely.

The gravy question

Sheetz lists gravy as an extra dipper at $0.60 rather than as a sandwich topping, and that pricing tells you how it is meant to be used.

Ordering a sausage Shmiscuit with gravy on the side gives you a biscuit that stays intact and a dipper you control. Ordering gravy inside the sandwich gives you five minutes before the base gives up entirely, and if you are driving anywhere it will not survive the journey.

A sausage Shmiscuit, a gravy dipper and Mini Hashbrowns at $2.99 is the order that makes the most of this base, and it lands well under the Classic Breakfast Platter at $6.69 while giving you most of the same food.

What to build on a Shmiscuit

Five builds that suit a biscuit rather than fighting it.

• Sausage and cheese, no egg. The classic pairing and the one the base is designed around.
• Bacon and cheese with a gravy dipper at $0.60 on the side.
• Sausage with grape jelly at $0.60, which is a regional habit worth trying once.
• Egg and cheese if you must, but ask for the egg folded rather than fried so it releases less moisture.
• Plain with butter as a side to a Classic Breakfast Platter, which is how a lot of regulars order it.

Anything involving sauce, salsa or a runny yolk belongs on a Shmuffin or a Shmagel rather than here.